Flippin Flip Nasty

What to do, what to do...

Things are still up in the air. The darkness sets upon the situation with a hint of light, but it isn't at the end of a tunnel. This light is a luminescent glow beaming down from above telling me to follow the insane pitter patter from deep within my broadening chest. From the tip of my nipple to the farthest back ventricle I know what I want to do, yet the rights and responsibilities that may follow a decision as such could quite possibly cause an eternity of mayhem to enter my world. As appealing as that may sound to some I feel as if it is not a necessity at this point. The prolonging of one of these episodes may lead to a lifetime of discomfort which in itself is extremely frightening.

I feel as if I have a series of tests in front of me with no time to study or prepare. Fortitude and inner strength are what guide me. I have reached out to use my nearest assets for guidance with both good and bad feedback, but the decision is still mine. Temptation is on my fingertips and my arm wants to quickly reach out to grasp what is lingering in front of me, but cautiousness prevents me from leaning. If I do lean I will be risking a great deal...it seems as if I have to choose whether or not the juice is worth the squeeze. ORM comes in to play which is the Navy's safety assurance program which basically states the same thing- Is the risk worth the reward.

Time will tell.

Dilemma

I have a few things on my mind that I need to get out into the open. But, not right now. It is almost 4 and about time for me to hit the gym. I have a situation I have to handle and I hope it doesn't develop into a bigger situation which could lead to another situation going down the drain. Stressful, huh? There is a lot riding on what happens here in the next few days, weeks and months. I'd like to fill you in, but it is entirely too complex for the average human brain to take in. I don't want any of my very few readers to implode because of the complexity of my issues. I have an opportunity in front of me that has been long awaited, but as it always goes there are problems surrounding the issue which complicate everything to the fullest extent of the law. Maybe if I had acted sooner or taken a hint or been more spontaneous or outgoing things might have been different. They are not so I have to deal with them the way they are. My life would not be what it is today if I made things easy on myself. It has to be complicated or life is just too boring. There always has to be something there to cause chaos or discomfort. Oh well, I'll make it. Hopefully things unfold the way I would like them to, but the chances of that are about as good as my dad passing a drug test. Wish me luck.

It's been a while

I went to Tampa last weekend...well Sunday through Tuesday. I had a really good time. I went jet skiing on the ocean. We stopped off at a beach side resort/bar and had some drinks and got to see the sunset from the ocean. The water was very clear out there. After that we watched Monday night football. Tuesday we went to the gun range and shot a .45 and a 9mm pistol. That was pretty cool.

Things have been good lately. My dog still isn't potty trained completely. It is hard since Duke, my roommate's dog, still uses the carpet occasionally. She knows it is wrong, but she does it anyway. Little bitch. She is getting bigger every day and she is getting fat. She is about to go on a strict diet. I won't have a fat bitch sleep in my bed...just kidding, fat bitches need love too.

I haven't seen much of Kathi lately. I have been pretty busy and I don't make it to the salon that often anymore since I moved. My hair is turning more and more gray by the minute. Another thing my father took from me...my hair color. Bastard. Great fucking genetics. It bothers me that I have disowned my father, but it also bothers me what he did to me and to his self. Any respect I had generated for that man was snorted right up his nose.

It is mandatory fun day and we are playing dodge ball at 11:30. I gotsta go.

Red Wine, Homemade Pizza, and Crash

In the downward spiral of life we worry about many things. We pass many judgements and we suck the life out of things near and dear to us. On this great journey of dilapidation our main focus is numero uno. Ourselves. Some may say that they put others first and a very small minority of those people are telling the truth. The rest of us dissipate into nothingness brought on by the code of conduct in which we live our lives.

I watched the movie Crash last night by myself whilst my rommate fulfilled one of his needs. Jealous I was of the action, not the intricacies of the action, I took care of number one. I recently blindly bought a bottle of Merlot unknowing of the taste or texture of this brand. A pour of a bottle and the tilt of a glass later my mouth was in a blissful state crying out for more. Almost is if it was a sign of what was to come of the rest of the evening. The clock read 9:30 and I could wait no longer for the thrusts to halt. I pressed play on the remote and sat back and watched this miraculous tale unfold.

Racism is everywhere. Everyone is racist in some way shape or form. Those who deny it are fucking liars. Whether it be a momentary lapse of judgement or action, or an unconscious reaction to a situation - everyone is guilty. This movie covers a broad spectrum of intererealted events that all culminate into a heartwarming, yet heart wrenching conclusion. Life goes on. People make mistakes. Forgive and forget.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction: Fact or Fiction. I call bullshit. At least in matters of the heart or conscience. If someone wrongs you, you can choose to forgive them and move forward. You can forgive them and hold it against them for the rest of their existence. You can stab them in the chest repeatedly with a saudering iron and stay mad at them, but to say that any of these are equal and opposite is ludicrous. Who gets to say what is equal and what is opposite. Who has that power? Not me. Not you.

As I watched this movie it was as if I was being mind fucked. Every situation evoked a different response from my thoughts and then another seperate response. The characters that seem bad have good in them and the good bad. I am still at a loss for words how my mind was in a trance and still is. I guess all I can say is that everyone should watch this movie...with a few glasses of Merlot and some home made pizza.

?Como Estas?

It is Friday evening and I am up at the tanning salon working for Kathi. I am rocking out to the CD Moby: Play. Very relaxing music. I am not sure what, if anything I am going to do tonight. I may just hit up Blockbuster and make it a night in. My dog is a little shit. I took her out to my friend Bailey's house last night to play with her dog and she had a blast. I wake up this morning and while I am putting on some shorts to take her outside she squats in my bed and pisses all over my comforter and sheets and it drains down to my pillow case. Fucking bitch. I locked her up in her cage and headed to work. I get off at noon and go home to find that she had shit and pissed in her cage and she is covered in it. I just gave her a bath last night before I took her to Bailey's. That little cunt gets on my nerves sometimes. I just took her outside and left her there.

I didn't go to the gym today, but I did run 3 miles this morning. I am a little upset with myself about that. I took a 3 hour nap when I got home so unless I get drunk tonight I won't be able to sleep. Good times. I need to stop drinking as often as I do. I am fairly close to being in the physical shape I want to obtain and all this alcohol is restricting my daily activities.

Bailey and I are going to see 4 Brothers tomorrow night. She and I have an interestig relationship. We are just friends, but there might be a little sexual friction there. We kind of dated a few months back, but she told me that she had her own schedule and it was difficult to commit to a dating atmosphere. That was fine with me becuase she was never misleading or anything like that. We have a good time together and she is absolutely beautiful so I enjoy her company. It is nice to go out with somebody that actually has a brain and has her own thoughts and opinions. Imagine that.

I miss my sister and my mom and Nana. It was very nice having my sister here and I hope she is enjoying her new atmosphere at school. I haven't seen my cousin in a while or Marc or all the other fuckers back home. I can't wait for Thanksgiving.