Just Whatever: February 2005

Something I Wrote In Class

I was bored in class last week and I wrote this

Sometimes I feel like I have lost time
Valuable moments that could define
The way I am and who I'll become
And I've missed out on so many things I should have done
I'm not saying that it all has been a waste
And I definately don't feel like I need to make haste
To get back on track and get things in line
Because I have nothing else except plenty of time
I'd like to make sure that one day I can look back
To remember the day I got my life on the right track
I mean, I have loved like there will be no tomorrow
I've had my heart broken and felt debilitating sorrow
I just wonder what I may have missed out on
If decisions I made lost me battles I should have won
In the end I would like to know that I did things right
That I knew when to be quiet and I knew when to fight
That I can be proud of who I am when I see the bright light

The End

IT GETS OLD FAST

The Mardis Gras party at work...interesting to say the least. I danced if that tells you how much I drank. Yes, I have been made fun of today at work from my co-workers. I was the only white male dancing so that should explain that. I don't really enjoy drinking anymore. I was miserable all day Saturday. Felt like absolute shit. I played Socom until about 4am Saturday night. I rented the complete first season of Reno 911 and that shit is hilarious. I also rented Alamo, but I haven't watched it yet.

This whole Joanne situation is wearing me down. I don't know what to do. I like not talking to her, but I don't like it. I know she is hurting right now and that hurts me. I love the girl and I do miss her. The distance sucks. The timing sucks. The lack of trust sucks. All I hear about is what did you do and who were you with and is there another girl. I don't ask her that shit. Not because I don't care, but because I don't want to know. Why worry myself with something I can't control? I like not having to satisfy someone elses needs. Doing whatever I want whenever I want without having to plan a phone call inbetween. It doesn't help that I can't stop playing that damn game, it is just so freaking addicting. I joined a clan with some Canadian guys and they are pretty funny and fun to play with. We are all pretty good too. Anyway, I am still thinking...

Always Something

My Chief is the biggest douche I have ever met. He always finds something to complain about. No matter how small or how stupid it is he will always have something to bitch about. Today we were allowed to wear civilian clothes to work. Also, today is what we call challenge day...which means we have some kind of game or event planned as a command. Our challenge today is a game called Tabboo. So we were told that each department should wear the same color shirt. Supply's color was white. Yesterday my LPO, Jones, asked if it was ok if we wore T-shirts and they said yes. So, when we got here this morning my Chief bitched at us and said we WILL wear collared shirts from now on on civilian clothes days. Give me a fucking break. He will be gone in about 2 months though. I cannot wait. I hate him. Yup, hate em'.

I MISS MY FRIENDS

June 9th was my first day in the Navy. So, I guess that means that I have 4 years 3 months and 23 days left to go. That is only 1,575 days and 37,800 hours and 2,268,000 minutes. You get the picture. That is a long ass time. I miss Tim and Marc and Roy and J. Smith and TG and Leigh Anne and Lauren and Brandon. Even some of those fucksticks from Tyler. I especially miss my mommie and Nana and sis and bro and pops. I like to send a shot out to...ya, like that. I will pour some out for you guys next time I drink. Even though I was a lazy ass bastard, I miss sitting at Marc and Tim's house playing Socom all day with Marc. Going to Sonic for lunch and Taco Bell for dinner. Very healthy. I talked to Aaron yesterday on my way to pick up my suit that I am wearing to our work party. He was in the shower so we didn't talk long, but it made me realize what a good friend he was. I miss giving hair cuts to all the guys and especially TG when I cut his long ass do and made him look so pretty. Cutting Tim's hair and hearing him bitch about it how I left it too long. I loved being in Tyler when I was home on leave and seeing all those guys and partying with them. Good times.

I went and fake tanned last night for the first time in about 3 years. I normally don't have to fake tan, but I am never outside anymore. I used to stay so dark because of baseball. I used to be much more active.

Anyway, I gotta go.

V-Day

What a joke it is. A made up "holiday". You don't even get off work for it.

I am a sell out. I have compromised myself to no end. I am a very straight forward person and I have censored myself the past few months. That is not like me. That isn't me. I am changing back into the "me" I LIKE. Joanne and I are no longer together. She flew to FL to come visit for V-Day and as expected things didn't go well. They started off nice. We saw Hitch, the new Will Smith movie and it was fairly good. We went shopping for me a suit and a pink shirt to go with it. It looks pretty good. She can be very fun to be around at times, but other times she works my every last nerve. She says she can do better now because she knows what I expect and what sets me off. Should I bite? I don't know what to do. I love the girl, but my feelings for her have definately changed. I just don't like who I was becoming with her. Maybe I am not meant to be in relationships? Maybe I am not ready for a relationship. Time will tell. She is a sweet girl, dont get me wrong and she had no malice or harmful intentions in anything she did. I am sure that she was faithful as well. It is not a matter of those things, though. The fact is that we did not get along often enough to make it worth while. Where things stand now, I don't know. i will need some time to think. Time to find Josh again. I need to get back on track.

BAH and COMRATS

BAH=Basic Allowance for Housing
COMRATS=Commuted Rations (for food)

In Jacksonville and E-3 receives $748 a month for BAH and $270 a month for COMRATS. I do not get either of these. If I did, obviously I would be making an extra $1,000 a month on top of my monthly income of about $1,100. Ya, that is all I make a month.

Now, NAS Jacksonville has a base instruction that does not allow an E-3 to move off base. Sucks for me. Aaron Sieg, a guy who works in my building, has a 3 bedroom house that he lives alone in. He told me he would rent me a room for the flat rate of $450. I pay no bills, just rent. That would give me an extra $550 a month for expenses and savings. Good deal for me. Can't happen yet, though.

I take the test to make E-4 which is a 3rd class Petty Officer in March. If I make it I will be able to receive this extra income. It is not guaranteed I will make it, but I just have to study for the test. The test consists of questions concerning my rate (my job) and basic military regulations...like what uniforms consist of and what you can wear with what. Stupid shit like that. Sounds easy enough, but I do not necessarily do what normal SK's do. I am at a "do nothing" command. I am not ordering parts for a ship or for a plane or helo. I am ordering uniforms and setting up berthing arrangements for reservists. Everything I learned in "A" school has almost been completely forgotten. I will actually have to study for a test for the 1st time in my life. This test will effect me financially and could have a positive or negative effect on my career. Affect-in relation to emotion or feeling. Effect- something that inevitably follows an antecedent (as a cause or agent). I had to look it up to see which one to use.

What the Deuce??

I am headed home tomorrow night. That is a good thing, right?? It is dangerous. I am not going home on leave...I am just going. I am coming back, so it isn't like I am a deserter. But the thing is...if something happens when I am home I can get in ginormous trouble if I am not back in time. Pray for me.

I talked to TG this afternoon. We had a nice chat. We are going to plan his trip to FL soon. I need to get Tim to come out too. That would be nice to do something fun out here. I am sure things will pick up when it starts getting warmer here. Maybe I can get a tan. I have never been this pale before. Tim is going to Shreveport Friday night with a few people, but he will be back on Saturday. I invited him to lunch with the fam on Saturday, but he will be asleep still more than likely.

I am coming home

I found a round trip flight for $150 to Texas. I am doing it. I leave Friday and I come back on Monday. That is an expensive weekend. But I am sure I have spent much more than that on hookers and Boones Farm. Who is to say? It will be well worth it though. I will get to see my family, a few of my friends and of course the future Mrs. Tips. Oh ya, and Joanne...lol. Just kidding. She is picking me up from the airport at 10:30 pm TX time Friday Night. Speaking of that Friday Night Lights is tight. I own it. I sure do. It is better than Varsity Blues in my opinion because it is more real. Even though there was much more boobage in Varsity Blues. I never had a teacher that looked like that. There is a lot of stuff I need to bring home. No room. I am packing light. I intend to at least. Just condoms and soap. That is all I plan on needing. Oh ya, and a tooth brush.

So, That Guy...$59 each way plus taxes and applicable fees. When are you coming out? I can get you a room for $20 a night. I can probably get the room for free though. I got the hook up, holla if ya hear me. After I do my taxes I may be able to pay for your flight. All you will need money for is booze and food. And hookers, but I hear they are cheap in this part. One Million Dollars. Chump change. Nice comment on your site too...ass. Why do you give me such a hard time? I know you are just being you, but you are being an ass about it. Nothing wrong with being brutally honest, but give me a break. Who will always be there when you need them? Well, I am right below those people on your friends list...lol. Ass.

Three hours til I get to go home for the day.

It is amazing the feeling of love. Some people are jealous or judgemental or just plain rude. Doubtful even. Fuck them. Do "you". What one has in their heart for another person is their business and only their business. There are other factors that contribute to the overall feeling of love which does include input from others, but that is all it is...input. Joanne is afraid to let me meet her parents. Her father was a military man and he knows the stereotypes and real life situations. The one thing he doesn't know is me. I am a good person. I may be rough around the edges at times, but for the most part I am a good guy. I have my downfalls, but who doesn't. The main thing is that I love his daughter. I will treat her right, although we will fight or argue at times. The distance will be hard on us. It is manageable. Her mother has been introduced to me at the casino in Shreveport, but nothing formal. I am good with parents. I am an adult. I have lived on my own for the last seven years. I have held a real job for three and a half years. I am almost finished with my education and I am continuing with that. I want to support her in a fashion that would be suitable in this day and age. I love her.

See you guys back in Tejas soon.
Mexican food...Taco Bueno, Taco Cabana, On the Border, El Chico...yumm